Bullying

Something has been weighing heavily on my heart lately.  We recently had a division within our extended family over the subject of bullying.  The disagreement started when my sister said that she thought that all victims of bullying should be recognized as opposed to only homosexual victims.  I am in full support of my sister’s view.  I don’t believe bullying is okay if someone is gay, straight, overweight, underweight, too tall, too short, or as in my case someone with a mental illness.  I truly believe that ultimately we all have that same thought in mind and I’m sad that a misunderstanding may have caused such a huge division in a family that has been close over the years.

One of the people posting made a point that statistically homosexual victims of bullying are more likely to commit suicide.  I do not feel that it matters who is more likely to commit suicide.  If one person feels death is better than the hell inflicted on them at the hands of another it is wrong and an enormous tragedy.  I know for me I was bullied in more than one way over a number of years and more than once I thought it would be better to just end it all than try to cope with it anymore.  I was verbally bullied to my face and I had vicious rumors spread about me.  I had mean tricks done to me.  I had things done to my home and my car.  I was made fun of because some of my clothes were homemade because we didn’t have the money to buy a large wardrobe.  I was made fun of because I wore glasses and braces. I was made fun of because I developed breasts before the other girls and as I said before I was basically tortured for being mentally ill.  I was told by someone very pointedly that nobody liked me and that in fact I was hated by most.  I was even hospitalized in high school because the bullying made me want to kill myself.  I ended up having to take 2 weeks off of school just to recover and get any kind of drive to go back.  The school did not feel they needed to do anything and my mother pursued it endlessly even up until graduation.  The sad thing is that the bullying did not end in high school.  Bullies find something they consider a weakness in someone and sink in their claws.  In recent days this “weakness” is someone’s insecurity over their sexual orientation.  Do I have less compassion because they are homosexual?  NO.  Do I believe they should be excluded from my prayers? NO.  I only ask that they do not exclude those of us who have been or are being bullied for other reasons.  I don’t believe I should be excluded because I am straight or because I have a mental illness.  I don’t believe my niece should be excluded because she is straight or because she is young and people say “that’s just how kids are”.

In the case of my niece, her bully was being bullied by his own father and his mother was so focused on appearances that she ignored her son’s problems because it might reflect poorly on her as a mother.  There is a reason bullies focus on those they consider weak.  They are overcompensating for something they consider to be a weakness in themselves.   I do think that there are homophobic people bullying homosexuals.  I believe there are people who are abused by someone that feel the need to take that out on someone else.

I love my family.  I have gay and lesbian cousins and uncles and I love them all.  I also do not for one second believe that God is sitting up there saying that bullying is okay if they are homosexuals.  I think God’s heart is broken by hatred which is where bullying is derived.  There is nothing good or noble about making someone feel worthless.  I know the intense feelings that the bullied person feels.  I understand how it feels when it is relentless.  I know what it’s like to want to end it and I know what it is like to carry the insecurities with me throughout life.  It is a constant battle for me to see myself as God sees me and not as my bullies wanted me to see myself.

I truly hope one day that my family sees that all my sister wanted was recognition for all of us that are bullied.  EVERYONE.  She has seen two people very close to her want to die because of bullying.  I believe that God loves us and cares for us even if we are the only person on the earth with a particular problem. He does not only love and care for us if we are part of a statistical majority and I believe we need to do the same. 

I also believe that when someone has a strong view it is harder to see the whole picture.  I believe we can say things that may not be appropriate that can hurt our overall intentions.  I think this has happened on both sides of this debate.  I know my sister wishes she would have made her point in a calmer matter but with the same intent.  I know my cousin believes so strongly in her point that she felt my sister’s comments were directed strictly at homosexual victims of bullying.  I think we all need to look at our own views and look fairly at the views of others even if we do not agree.  When we know the issues close to our hearts we need to act on them.  I make it very clear to others what I have been through and have had the opportunity to counsel others going through the same situation.  I have stood up to bullies now that I am a stronger person.  One of my bullies said I should thank him because he helped make me strong.  I very STRONGLY told him that he in no way made me strong.  I am only strong through the Lord.  Speaking out is good!  Action is GREAT!

Let me say too that many of my bullies have since apologized and truly had no idea the impact their words and actions had.  I had forgiven them long before they apologized which is what made me stronger.  None of us are perfect.  We all have had harsh words for someone else.  I think about that when someone hurts me now.  I think about how I have hurt someone else most of the time unintentionally and even sometimes intentionally.  I make sure I apologize for the wrongs I’ve done and forgive those that hurt me whether they care or not. 

If nothing else some of you are getting a view into what has made me the person I am today.  I know when I was working at the nursing home people made the comment all the time at how bubbly I am and how happy I seemed all the time.  No one would have believed the things I went through and the anxiety and depression I still deal with as a result of both my mental illness and the bullying.  I can only have that joy in the Lord.  If I didn’t have Him I’d be dead by now and I believe that whole heartedly.  I guess that is part of why I’m sad that something that should unite us (our stand against bullying) has caused a division.  I hope this can be changed.